Glen and the Art of Tree Maintenance: Non-negotiable rules and (below) suggestions - second edit – 3/4/2011

Non-negotiable rules and (below) suggestions - First edit – 3/4/2011 – Springfield, Massachusetts.

By - Glen Wolf, AKA Gershon HaGadol, AKA Wolfman

No cursing me out, not even under your breath, nor in any form of communication
No calling me bad names, not even under your breath, nor in any form of communication

No referring to me directly or indirectly using negative adjectives, not even under your breath nor in any form of communication
Don't get in my face. I can see you and hear you fine from over here. Don't Corner me!
No screaming, in private, or in public. Only out in the big wide open away from other people.
Respect objects and property. Don't beak things and rattle stuff around in a rude and noisy manner. If you have to, take some stuff far away, and away from people and wreck and rattle it there.
Don't tell me or anyone around me what to do, especially friends or strangers.
Don't hassle people out in public when I am around. Be tolerant to a fault.
Provide privacy when requested.
Don't criticize me or anyone around me , especially friends or strangers.
Trust me no matter what. I am (or was or could have been) your lover, soul-mate, protector and best friend.
Always give me the benefit of the doubt. And try , when at all possible to give others the benefit of the doubt. Be careful not to judge others. Judge others favorably.
Don't block my path, literally or figuratively.
Make love with all your heart, like it's the last thing you'll ever do before you meet God and whether you enter heaven or hell for all eternity will be judged on how much heart you put into it.
Dress, speak and carry yourself like a Lady at all times. Groom yourself like a (young) lady. Smell like a lady.
Pull your weight.
Be kind to my friends and family, never talk bad about them. Welcome them into the house, or to our space wherever we are.
Be street smart and street cool. Never call the attention of anyone who could possibly get us in trouble.
Secrets are secret. Do not blab our business around. Anything someone requests to be confidential is confidential. Do not speak out loud about anything that would get someone in trouble if the wrong people were to hear it. Same goes for writing, talking on the phone, or any kind of communique.
Be supportive of my art, music and passions – as much as you would your own child.
Be true.
Don't be jealous. Don't mistake kindness for flirtation. (Refer to “Trust Me”)
Treat food with love.
Favors and kind acts should be done with a whole heart. No regrets. With tender loving care.
Take care of your own body and mine. Take care of your own House and mine.
Treat making Love and talk about making Love like it is being done between two very holy and classy individuals, together, and not by two dogs or two insects.
Don't turn sensitive and/or private information someone entrusts to you against them. It could embarrass them, or belittle them, or hurt them, or a 100 other negative consequences.
Don't push me or hit me or hurt me in any way. Don't rush towards me, or my property, or startle me. Don't assault me. Don't pull my hair. Don't bite me. Don't bite my hair. Don't stick your finger up my nose, in my ears or in my mouth, or in my navel.
Don't walk away, roll your eyes or scoff when I speak. Act like you care about what I'm saying and maybe someday you will.
Respect my and everyone's God given constitutional right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Treat your partners parents and children (optimally) like your own.
Don't knock like a cop!!!
Don't slam doors. (Don't slam anything.)
Keep up with your primary bureaucracy - financial, medical, etc..
Keep non-kosher meats out of the house.
Don't try to make love when you are on your period, and don't complain about it. Try to enjoy your time off. ( You might as well complain about arrangement of the spots on a leopard).

Suggestions:

Don't complain quite as much as you feel like.
Go to couples therapy once a week
If you need a therapist, go do that, too.
Have a house meeting once a week where people speak uninterrupted about anything they want.
Dive deep happily into the meanings of concepts through analogies and proverbs.
Smile. Smile like a lady.
Walk like a lady.
Don't be a sarcastic snide snotty bitch. (Someone had a problem with this part and said so, so if you don't think these adjectives refer to you in any significant degree, please ignore this part of the entry and move on down. Thanks!)
Repress one sigh a day. Maybe more later, slowly.
Do your own thing, and enjoy it.
Make friends, as many safe people as you can handle.
Raise plants in and out of the house.
Paint bright colors.
Walk around in beautiful places.
Listen to the music you like.
Create a dependable and user-friendly system for organizing all your data and important papers and information. Use a good system to keep your calendar and appointments.
Leave yourself plenty of time to get where you have to go and do what you have to do.
Keep up with your secondary bureaucracy, slowly but steadily.
Come and celebrate Shabbat with me in all different and culturally diverse ways, and Jewish Holidays, too.
Be flexible and optimistic. Accept risks and challenges together with me like a champ.
- *Be sweet, loving, affectionate and friendly to me.